When is the “Right” Time to Pursue Embryo Donation?
While it can be hard to know exactly when it's the "right" time to pursue embryo donation as potential donor or recipient, there are some questions and considerations to explore that might help you (and your partner if there is one) decide. Understanding your why, what brought you to this path, and your options for embryo donation can help inform not only if it's the best choice for you, but also if now is the right time to move forward. We explore various themes about what it might mean to donate your embryos or build a family through embryo donation on our education platform, but here we are going to focus on the timing of things.
5 things to ask yourself and think about… as a donor:
Why now? Many donors pay to store remaining embryos until there comes a point where they realize it's time to make a decision about them. Others come to consider embryo donation because they know from the get-go they have more embryos than they will need for their own family building. However you find yourself considering your options, ask yourself (and your partner if there is one) why you want to donate your embryos and if now feels like the right time.
Is your family "complete"? We put complete in quotes because we aren't sure if anyone ever knows exactly if their family is complete, but often people will have a sense that they don't plan to transfer any more of their embryos. They feel happy with their current family size and confident that they will no longer be needing their remaining embryos.
Are you confidently outside of the window of "unknowns"? This might be a tricky one because life is full of unknowns, but if you're currently pregnant or parenting a newborn, you might think about whether it might be best to wait a bit before donating embryos. It isn't uncommon for embryo donors to feel eager to help a fellow fertility warrior and/or to want to have their children and any potential child conceived through their donated embryos be in a similar age range, but giving yourself some time to fully focus on your own family and moving out of any phase of the process that could trigger uneasy feelings around things that remain up in the air is worth considering.
Do you have the time to manage the process of donating embryos? While embryo donation isn't extremely time consuming, there is a time commitment involved to gather documents, meet with ancillary providers and navigate any clinic requirements. Knowing the process will require some time can help you determine if you have the time right now to manage the process.
Have you educated yourself on your options and the process and do you have some clarity about what you are hoping for in a match? It's hard to know exactly what to look for in a match, but it's important to have a sense of what would feel comfortable. Approaching the process with some flexibility is always a good plan, but learning about your choices and seeing how they sit with you can help provide confidence and clarity in knowing if it's the right time to move forward.
5 things to ask yourself and think about… as a recipient:
How did you get here and are you comfortable embracing this family-building option? Landing on embryo donation isn't usually the first stop on the infamous journey to parenthood. Sometimes we get to embryo donation after spending a good amount of time, money, and emotional resources elsewhere, so really trying to sit with how it feels to embrace embryo donation is important. Because time often isn't on our side, we can jump to things before fully understanding and considering all the different angles. Ask yourself if it feels comfortable and if you need to take some more time to educate yourself and explore what it might mean to become a parent through embryo donation.
Is embryo donation the next best option or a backup plan? While it is very reasonable to start exploring embryo donation as you continue on whatever treatment plan path you are on, you want to be respectful of the donors before initiating a facilitated match meeting. Some donors are just fine being a backup plan, while others prefer the recipients to be very ready to move forward down this path together. If you have one last embryo transfer or are planning another treatment cycle, just let the EM•POWER team know and we can help you navigate. We ground our organization and the Moxi Matching platform in transparency and honesty and are here to support the process, no matter where you are in your journey.
Do you feel educated and informed about your options and best practices for donor-conceived children? Being able to shift your initial narrative or fantasy around your family building, learning your options and understanding the implications of your decisions, and considering the potential needs of any future child you have through embryo donation are HUGE tasks! But they are important and can be done. You never want to be on the back end of a process thinking, "I wish I would have known." That's why we highly highly recommend taking the time to engage in our education materials and tools on the front end.
How do you make meaning of letting go of your own genetics and embracing the genetics of another? You may not have thought much about genetics until now. Concepts around genetic loss, and what it means to parent a child who doesn't share your genetics are common thoughts. Exploring any fears, concerns, hopes, and expectations and landing somewhere solid on how you conceptualize a family built through embryo donation may prove useful. There aren't necessarily right or wrong answers, but rather a host of questions around genetics you may not have ever considered. Gina and Maya explore some of these topics in depth in this presentation around making meaning of sharing genetics.
Do you have some clarity around what kind of relationship arrangement with the embryo donors you are open to? There are some unknowns when it comes to embryo donation or in the world of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) in general. It's ok to give some space and flexibility to let different situations unfold, but it is advised to have a sense of what you need, what you are open to, and what boundaries might feel important from the get-go. Having these things in place before moving forward can help the matching process be more seamless.
Thinking about some of these questions might help inform whether embryo donation goes from being the "right" choice, to the "right now" choice, or if there are some valid reasons to pause. If you're ever feeling unsure about the when of it all, reach out! You can book a 15-minute consultation with Jen or email us with any thoughts, feelings, or questions. We are excited to be on this journey with you.